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Finding my "Needle in a Haystack"

March 21, 2019

In one of my posts about relationships & epilepsy I wrote "The hardest part of finding someone who can handle someone with epilepsy is finding someone you can depend on. Someone who doesn't care about your epilepsy and will be there for you and look at you the way they would with someone who doesn't have it. Someone who looks at you like you are perfect in every way and wouldn't change anything about you. Someone who wants to learn about what to do God forbid something would happen to you. But besides all of those things...the main and probably the most important is to find someone you trust with literally everything. You know that trust fall exercise? Well its basically finding someone who will always catch you when you fall...literally and figuratively. Someone who does all of those things for you and make you feel that way...that's what a man is and in this generation finding someone like that is like finding a needle in a damn haystack."


Well for the past (almost) 8 months I found my "needle in a damn haystack"....


So for the past (almost) 8 months I've been dating this man, Brian. He has honestly been a GOD SEND. He is so different than ANYONE I've ever dated that I sometimes ask him what planet hes from? I tell him he's my Wall-e to his Eve. My "to infinity and beyond". Now let me tell you why this man has been the man I've been searching for my entire life. 


On my first date with Brian, I had a seizure. He knew prior that I had epilepsy but never actually witnessed a seizure, then he luckily met me and he witnessed one. Our date lasted 13 hours. He picked me up and we went out to eat (I normally love the restaurant we went to, but this was not the best experience I had there). After that we went to go play mini golf.He pretty much let me win by giving me less points then I deserved. After our fun time at mini golf, we decided to go back to his house and go in his pool. Then we watched a movie and he asked me to go to his ice hockey game and since I didn't want the date to end even though I know squat about hockey. So I went to his game and sat in the waiting area for him to come out. Next thing I know I'm surrounded my EMT's....


Brian was in complete shock. Sitting there not knowing what to really say or do. Two of his teammates helped me out since Brian was so shocked. The EMT's were saying that I was with my boyfriend, after I had completely came out of the seizure I said to the female EMT that this is our first date. Her response was "oh damn!" 


He then helped me walk to his car so he can take me home. He walked me to the door and came in the house. I kept apologizing over and over again. He kept telling me to not apologize and to stop apologizing. He stayed with me at my house until after 1 am. He met my mom for the first time. Me and him just cuddled on my couch for about 3 hours. I cried, I kept apologizing even though he told me to stop multiple times. I was humiliated. I was sure I would never hear from him again. 


Then to my surprise he messaged me the next day and we spent pretty much every day together. I then went away for a couple days for my cousins bachelorette party and I had another seizure while sitting right next to the bride. I felt SO BAD. I went back to my room and called the one person I wanted to hear from, Brian. He kept asking if I was okay, if I was alone, telling me all the things I needed to hear. But I knew that he wasn't just saying that to be nice but he genuinely wanted to know if I was okay.


We fell so in love to the point where we didn't want to be apart at all. I had a couple of seizures and my doctor finally said I should really consider getting the VNS surgery. I wanted to talk to my family and Brian about it before I said yes to a complete lifestyle change. They all pretty much convinced me to get it since I was having seizures every month I gave in and said yes. 


Side note: Once I told my manager about the surgery,  I got fired from my job as a physical therapy aide. They told me I was the least reliable aide. The office manager told me that maybe working for this job environment isn't something I should pursue, I wanted to slap her. Then the owner of the place said that my epilepsy was the last reason they were letting me go...I was furious....


The day of surgery was scary. Brian and my dad were both there to support me (but I'm gonna save that story for another post). 


If there is anything to really say about my needle in a haystack is that I got lucky. I found someone who doesn't care about my epilepsy and is so optimistic with this surgery which is what I need since I'm like negative nancy. I found someone who loves me, just the way I am. Even my family tells me that I'm lucky to have him by my side. I can depend on Brian for the one thing I really need someone to lean on when I have a seizure. I thew him into the fire on his first date and he is still around. There are so many other things I love about him but I'd be typing for days. One thing I know for sure is that he is a keeper and the love of my life. 




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