So my last post was about what it was like to grow up with epilepsy. This post is about what its like to have epilepsy now that I am an adult.
So as I got older and became idk..."developed" into becoming a woman...it started to effect my epilepsy. I started to have more seizures around the 'time of the month' and was having seizures if not every month, it was every other month. They were definitely more frequent than when I was younger. Over the past 10 years I've come to realize I get stressed out, very very quickly...that's how I know stress is a huge trigger for a seizure. People tell me I need to relax and not let shit get to me, but its a lot harder than it sounds, even though they are right. Last weekend one of my best friends Ahmed gave me really good advice. He told me that I need to start eliminating the people who cause me stress and who aren't real friends out of my life, even if I've known them for years. If they don't respond to you after 2 texts or if you're the one who always reaches out they don't care about you like a true friend. He told me that its okay to have a couple of good friends than a bunch of fake friends. He also told me to focus on my health and just do me. And Ahmed, let me tell you something...you are right, and even though you live far, I'm lucky to have you in my life.
So anyway, my freshman year of college I didn't have a lot of grand mal seizures, which is surprising with how much stress going to school for baking caused. I had 1 big grand mal seizure and this girl, I don't remember her name she just took over. She knew exactly what to do, a complete stranger heard a girl was having a seizure and she came to the rescue. I was very grateful she was there. I also got to meet another girl named Caroline who knew/knows exactly what I go through. I miss that girl like crazy. Shout out to Caroline, miss you my evil twin, come to NY and hang out with me!!
Once I graduated college in Rhode Island I moved back to NY. Then not even a year later I was back in RI. I didn't like being away from my friends from school. I hated being here. I decided to move back to RI then I had 2 seizures in 1 day and about 2 weeks later I was back in NY.
I don't know why, maybe it has to do with nerves but every time I start a new job, I seem to have a seizure. Its like my brain is like "Okay, shes got a new job, lets go ruin it for her and have a seizure!". You would think someone who has epilepsy wouldn't go to school for such a stressful thing, buttttttttttttt I did, and at this point in my life I do NOT want to do what I went to school for, its way to stressful for me.
So once I officially moved back home, I got a job at Firehouse Subs, but that didn't work out so then I started working at Chili's. I had a ton of seizures there. I was demoted (they say it was for my safety but really it was for THEIR safety). I got the same amount of pay per hour, just very different hours. I was making much less than I needed. It was really bad, I got corporate involved with the whole situation. They said that I was a danger to the guests. Right when Brinker said that to me, I was looking for a new job and did not want to EVER work for 1. the food service industry and 2. a corporate company. So then I started working for Richard Allen Inc. It was a full commision job, yet if someone canceled their Verizon subscription that they signed up through you within the first month you get that commision taken back. So if you didn't sign up tons of businesses in a week, you could be working 60 hour weeks, for $200. That place was a scam and I can't make broken promises to people like that.
So then I was unemployed for a couple months and started this new desk/phone job at Levittown Ford in the Lease Retention Dept. I was working there for about 2 weeks then BAM I had a grand mal seizure there (I guess my brain figured out I finally got a job). That day I had 5 seizures in 1 day. The most I've ever had. So then I was sent to the hospital and was admitted there for 3 days. They put me on a video EEG. Which means they are basically watching your every move and have all these wires attached to your head...but that;s for another post. They put me on depakote on top of my other 2 meds. After about 3 weeks I was like NO friken way am I taking this depakote anymore. It made me sluggish and very sleepy. I was always shaking, it was terrible. I also got bronchitis right after I was in the hospital. When I had my 5 big seizures I bit the shit out of my tounge. It hurt so bad I couldn't talk, I couldn't eat anything I could barely even brush my teeth. They had to give me a numbing agent to help it heal or for me to really even do anything. I was taking that every couple hours. I guess thats what 5 grand mal seizures will do to you. I also found out that I had 22 petit mal seizures while I was in the hospital, wasn't even aware I had them but 27 seizures in 3 days is a lot. My doctor suggested/suggests surgery. Almost everyone else suggests I look into medical marijuana. Even though I do not smoke weed, I decided I'd check out the medical marijuana cause I've seen that it could help in certain cases. If it doesn't work...I get surgery again. I've been in some crazy situations, especially lately. My body is changing, I'm becoming more depressed and stressed all because I went through something traumatic and it sucks, but I'm trying to get better. Some days are great, some aren't. All I can really do at this point is try to keep positive and don't stop believin' :)